Parent’s Guide to a Day at the Pool

12:00 p.m. Lunch at home, to prevent kids from begging for a snack as soon as you arrive.

12:15 p.m. Travel. Allow extra time to double back for underwear, towels and bathing suits. Apparently everyone has already forgotten where you’re going.  

12:30 p.m. Arrival.

12:31 p.m. Kids beg for snack.

12:32 p.m. But they’re so hungry.

12:35 p.m. Proceed to locker room. Allow ample time for bathroom breaks, twisted suit straps, complaints about hunger, and hushed explanations on why you can’t just yell “ARE THEY NAKED?”

Anywhere from 5 minutes to two hours later: Emerge from locker room.

12:40 p.m. Exchange sympathetic looks with other bathing-suit-clad parents. Clearly, we're all just here for the kids.

12:45 – 1:00 p.m. Actual swimming.  

1:00 p.m. You’ve lost a kid. OhGodOhGod.

1:05 p.m. Locate kid at birthday party down the hall. Remove by force.

1:10 p.m. Because we don’t even know them, that’s why!

Ongoing in five-minute intervals for next hour: Kids beg for snack.

2:10 p.m. Cave in, purchase snacks.

3:15 p.m. Five minute warning.

3:19 p.m. Surprise! Kids’ best friends arrive en masse.   

3:30 p.m. Two minute – fine, five-minute warning again.  

3:38 p.m. Five minute…wait, what time is it?

4:00 p.m. Extract children from pool using threats and bribery if necessary.

Evening: Kids will weep with fatigue through dinner and then, right before bed, declare this the Best Day Ever.